WHAT YOU CAN DO VS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
A client of mine wanted this to be the focus of our conversation this week.
What you can do vs what you should do.
What is possible vs what is right.
So we dived in to talking about decisions. This question really interested me as so often people choose the easy, habitual path or get wrapped up in the expectation of others and follow the shoulds. What often seems to be the thing you can do at first sight is not always the best option. But I really don’t like ‘shoulds’ either, as who says we ‘should’? Usually someone who is not ourselves.
Many people live with what what occurs rather than what they can create. And sometimes we get really good at creating in one area of life but are incredibly reactive in another. Me included. Full disclosure: I create extreme amounts of magic at work and really haven’t been in certain relationships.
I have a rule for life which I learnt a while ago from a coach whom I love: Don’t settle for less than 15 out of 10. Set the standard for what you invite into your life really high. I know from wonderful experience that if you follow this rule incredible things happen. It means that you don’t settle for less than really works in your life. It means that situations, relationships, to-do lists, clients, activities and everything else have to step up into that space or be let go of.
If something isn’t a 15, you either have to work out what would make it a 15 or let it go – for now.
We CAN take the easy path and we SHOULD make the most of an opportunity.
In my opinion, neither of those is true.
In my life I CHOOSE to take the 15 path that is right for me right now because I have found that is where the most growth is to be found. I have learnt how to intuitively judge what ‘right’ is and I have found that things fall into place when I am true to myself in that way. And I see for my clients over and over again, that when you create the 15s, when you stop settling and make space for what is right, the results are incredible.
But in my experience, sometimes it’s painful and feels like free-falling. Sometimes it feels really sad as you let go of what you want to work but what hasn’t been a 15 for you. That is until you get used to it, when it becomes fun and full of possibility at what else you can create. It can look a lot like like letting go of safety and certainty. It can look a lot like letting go of people who are important to you. It can look like you are making strange decisions. But sometimes it’s just a ‘no’ for now. Maybe that thing that isn’t a 15 for you right now will become one at some point and it will work itself out. And maybe it won’t but you’ll have space for something that is. Finding trust in the space of holding out for the 15 is everything.
Because life works in magical ways – if you let it.