Today my thoughts are with and on growth in and out of relationship and a little about David Deida.
Recently my relationship with a very special man ended – at least for now. It was a relatively short experience, but one of the most intense growth experiences of my life and I continue to love him deeply. Endings are never easy, no matter how they occur as you have to reorganise your thoughts about the future, adjust to loss and all that difficult jazz. I continue to believe that you can do a whole heap of work on yourself, but it’s only in relationship with others that the real learning occurs. Relationship is the final frontier of everything!
So if I were to be truly vulnerable here (I hear you Brene Brown!) I would tell you that I have spent the past few weeks feeling lost and broken open. As a feminine creature, it’s difficult to let go when your whole body wants to cling on, but it moves through and today I’m feeling grateful that when my heart breaks I have a job that allows me to pull together every ounce of learning and growth for myself and to pass on to others. It’s not easy to be in the feelings, but easier if I/we continue to look for the expansion within them.
What’s your experience of heartbreak or loss? Does it shut you down or open you up? How do you numb out? Do you go into protection and for how long? What are your strategies for moving it through your body, energetically, and emotionally? And what does it mean for how you do your future differently as a result? Use your experiences perhaps to let go a little more into possibility, rather than any kind of shut down.
My main strategy tends to be what does this mean for how I can grow as a person. I have to keep awareness to do it in a way that isn’t about disassociating from what’s going on (the main way I keep myself away from myself!), but by being fully with the experience. So today I am about to launch into 5 intensive days 5 days with one of the world’s most incredible teachers on sex and intimate relating. If you haven’t already discovered David Deida, I highly recommend reading The Way of The Superior Man – if you’re a man or a woman. Get passed the language (it was written a while ago!). I got stuck on it for a while and it got in the way of actually hearing the message. What David Deida talks of is masculine and feminine energy and the interplay between the two – within us all. It’s remarkable stuff and over the years has been a real game-changer for me and for many of my clients who I often encourage to work on this area too.
To put it very, very simply Deida teaches that feminine energy is flowing, oceanic, full of movement and never ending. Everything in the universe is feminine. Everything we can touch, feel, see, think – all feminine. Masculine energy is pure consciousness – the awareness of that everything. It is expensive, stillness, holding, singular, penetrative, settled. We all have a balance of those things within us and an ability to move through both the masculine and feminine without getting stuck in one or the other serve us all but to meet your partner with a very specific polarity to their energy is the way we have incredible intimate relationships. We can learn to do this. It’s powerful stuff. For predominantly masculine people the journey is often to be able to hold that level of consciousness that means the feminine can flow. For feminine beings, it is a question of letting go in an intimate relationship and no longer controlling and leading as we’ve learnt to do in the world and allowing the incredible oceanic flow of the feminine energy. To be clear you can be a feminine man and a masculine woman, and this is all relevant for gay couples too of course – you just need to find a partner who’s able to be the polar opposite of you in order to have incredible sex and understand and allow the energy that you bring.
So today I start the intensive with David Deida and will emerge on the other side in a different form I should imagine and certainly with another heap of learning and understanding for myself and to pass on to others.
And with remarkably good timing, next week we launch a 6-month program for you. It will be a deep exploration into understanding how to create greater intimacy and connection with yourself, your partners and your life, and for those who want to attract and create a healthy relationship of growth and understanding and incredible polarity.
If you already have a sense that you would like to find out more about that contact me here and we can create a time to explore that possibility and there will be more information here and on various social media platforms I should imagine as well. And do sign up to my mailing list here so you don’t miss out on this and other news and offerings as they occur.